Writer's Block

Writing, writing, writing, oh and more writing. In this class we have written 9 journals, and 3 papers, and are still going, this doesn't sound like much but last week I felt as if I couldn't cut it. For the past two weeks I have been writing paper #3, it sounded so easy, just summarize and respond, right? Wrong... I felt as though I would write a sentence and then check my myspace, run out of my room to get an oatmeal cream pie, call my work, or just simply kick it with my roommates. I felt like I wasn't getting anything done, I just didn't want to write. What was happening?

Writer’s block I had writers block. The dictionary defines writers block as "A usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing." So what was keeping my mind away from my work? Was it my family problems, my roommates, my need/want for food(I love food), was it my work responsibilities? I had so much more on my mind that was keeping me from finishing. Restricting me from fulfilling this assignment.

I had to stop and think to myself, “What in the heck am I doing?” write something now! Honestly Kiley it isn’t that hard, Nike called and said do it. Then I started think to myself are you seriously yelling at yourself? What has gotten into me? It is an English paper, not the plague.

It was funny how the dictionary defines it, and uses the word temporary. Because Temporarily I couldn’t write, I finally got in my groove. Tuesday I woke up refreshed and started to get ready for work, when my computer caught my eye, I sat down, opened up Microsoft Word, and just started writing. I called in sick to work (not a big deal I was working for my mother on that day, she understands), and what did I do well by golly I wrote, and wrote, and wrote, like I had never written before. My paper wasn’t perfect; it could use a peer review or two. But I finished it, with grace. I felt good, I felt great.

Sounds Like a Personal Problem to Me...

The night before my first day of college, I was talking with my older brother Avery, he also attends UVSC. We discussed the days, times, and kind of classes we were taking. He then scared me with his horror story of his first college English class. He told me it was horrible with bookwork, long hours of study, the dreaded long research paper, and not to mention his teacher which classmates named "The MonstaBeast". I came into class with hesitation the first day of class, worried that I would be way in over my head with my English class. When I found out what kinds of papers we would be writing, I kind of got excited about the class. I was happy to hear that I didn't have to research a topic, have background information, get sources for my work, and just simply be personal, with true thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I thought it was going to be easy, I stand corrected. I have a problem; I don't know how to be personal.

With our papers we are suppose to have an opinion on what we are writing. My first paper was terrible for many reasons, one of which was because I didn't get personal and frankly I didn't want to get personal. Here we are starting our second paper, and the problem is arising again. We have been doing the peer workshop in class, everyone in my group had really good papers, and all of their papers had a personal tone to them. The people in my group that read my paper had pretty much the same response. They said, that they could see why I had an interest in my topic, but a question they all asked was "Why is this personal to you?" The people in my group made suggestions, and tried to help me piece something together. I took all of the suggestions into consideration, but I know exactly why it is personal to me, but do I have the guts to put it out there on paper, for someone else to read.

I have never gotten personal with anyone I have ever known in my entire life. I don't have close friends, or even family that gets to hear or know the inner workings of my mind. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. Sure I have people that are close to me, but they don't ever really know what I am thinking or feeling. I have all of these feelings and thoughts that are strong and I could voice if I chose to. I know that I would have a lot to say if I just put it down on a piece of paper.

My challenge this weekend is to get my personal thoughts out and onto this paper. It almost makes me sick to my stomach to do so. My topic for my second paper is Sex Education; I have a lot to say on this subject. But after class I was thinking of ways to get out of this, back up plans, and stories to put into my paper, not my real thoughts. I think I am scared of being wrong, someone disagreeing, or looking at me differently. It is easy to put a situation that seems personal, that I have been in, one that I think is petty. Would the reader know the difference? Probably not. But I am supposed to get personal! The real question is will I write about the situation that struck my eye and made me write about this topic, or will I chose the petty situation that has hardly any relevance? I will see which one is easier.

Dentistry’s Role in Tobacco Control

I read an article on how dentistry affects tobacco use. It explained that cigarette smoking remains the nation’s leading preventable cause of premature mortality. Tobacco use also is responsible for 75 percent of deaths resulting from oral and pharyngeal cancer, more than one-half of the cases of periodontitis and numerous other oral health effects. This is all information that I was aware of but, then I started to question the fact of are dentist in it for the money and not the real health of the patient?

Some of the questions the author asked were very simple and made me think what kind of effect does dentistry really have on people using tobacco. One question was "Do dentists and physicians advise tobacco users to quit?" Others were like "Do adolescents appreciate the risks of smoking?", "What do young people think they know about the risks of smoking?", "What kind of strategies do dentist use to help patients quit using tobacco?", "How do dentist enhance motivation to quit tobacco use.

The author summarized the prevalence of tobacco use in the United States, evaluated recent literature on the status of tobacco control activities in dental schools and dental practice, and reviewed new guidelines on clinical and community-based interventions for tobacco use. In the article it said that More than one-half of adult smokers and nearly three-fourths of adolescents see a dentist each year. However, more than 40 percent of dentists do not routinely ask about tobacco use, and 60 percent do not routinely advise tobacco users to quit. Meanwhile, less than one-half of dental schools and dental hygiene programs provide clinical tobacco intervention services. Some organizations have adopted policy statements about tobacco use, but mush work needs to be done to put it into action.

This article got my brain to really kick in and made me think is money taking over moral values? If one person's life is in danger would the dentist do what ever he/she could to save the person, or just cash the pay check? How is money a price value on that person's life? Shouldn't the patients health be the dentist number 1 priority? This article made me question everything around me, is the customer really number 1 priority in everything such as Dentists, Doctors, Banks, Insurance, etc. Of course not, because they take care of themselves first, not the customer. These are things that make you able to sleep at night, knowing you have good health, your money being secure, and insurance on everything and everyone around you. But are you really fully covered?

Professionalism

The one question you get asked all through childhood is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well… I can’t say that I am grown up, but I’m at the point were I am suppose to take my answer to the question and apply myself to do whatever it takes to achieve it. I honestly have changed what I want to be so many times it isn’t even funny. Why do I have to be a professional at something?

I wish that I could be a professional at something I'm good at. I know I know people everyday are professionals at the things they are good at English, math, science and sports etc. But why can't I be a professional liar, sleeper, mind changer or music listener. Why? Because none of those things will bring money into the big picture of life. Money isn't important right? Wrong, money is right up there with air. I guess what I am trying to do right now is get into a Dental Hygiene program at UVSC. Not as easy as it sounds, they only accept 14 applicants a year. The application process is hard and you pretty much have to get a 4.0 while doing all of the pre-requisites. Some of the classes I can probably sail right through, others I will have to work my butt off to simply pull off a passing grade. Classes like Biology, Math, Zoology, oh and that dreaded English 1010 class. Just kidding I actually enjoy this English class.

Back to the point, Dental Hygiene falls under the category of human sciences. People that major in Dental Hygiene probably ask questions about proper techniques, new technology, and how to improve themselves. Right now I have tons of questions for my major, I need to know everything it takes to be a Dental Hygienist. I hope to learn about maintenance of the mouth, teeth, and gums how to instruct people how to brush and floss their teeth, and tell them to visit the dentist regularly. Pretty much I'll learn how to assist patients with maintaining proper dental hygiene. It sounds easy? Doubt it!

Sleep and Lack Thereof

I hardly sleep, so many things keep me awake at night, family, guys, school, work, and life in general. Something that has been recurring in my mind while I lay in bed is a simple question that I often ask my self, "what is next?". I've gone through life setting goal after goal, and once I achieve the goal, I am not content without having something to shoot for. I end up forcing myself to find an other goal. I certainly have not ran out of goals, but now that my life is at that huge turning point, the point were I go into the real world.

It makes me wonder, what will I do next? Lately I've been thinking about what I'll do, and I have come to realize that the reason why I am always trying to keep myself busy with a goal isn't really for myself, but for the people around me. This isn't an attack, but I grew up in a family were nothing less than perfect was acceptable. I've been yelled at for things that most parents would give praise for. Its hard for me now to be in a relationship with someone, with out trying to perfect the person. I almost make men run, I am very far from perfect, I know this. Why am I always striving to be perfect? What exactly is wrong with mediocre?

I have gone through life idling other people and their lifestyles. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about having a trait of characteristic that the girl next to me has. It is something that I continue to work on, and I swear that it will not over come me. One day I will be okay with being me, and not that beautiful girl next to me.

What is next for me? Writing this journal gave me a new goal, which is to be myself, and live my life the way I want to live it, and not how the people around me want me to. First step, posting a picture that makes me look completly dorky for my whole english class to see! Why? Because I don't care what people think of me or my lifestyle.

Test

If this doesn't work I just might cry...